Some days I feel like I am getting better and some days, I feel I like I have regressed to my former self where I do not strive to improve upon myself.
It’s as though when people accept me for who I am, I fall into the comfort zone and the drive which compels me to better myself drastically lessen and for this reason, I am extremely disappointed with myself because I once thought that the attainment of happiness is for when I focus on the notion of self-betterment yet the current state I am at, is a complete dichotomy of what I thought constituted as happiness to me.
My happiness is not tied towards the journey of self-improvement but rather, tied towards the journey of being accepted by others and the desire to be vindicated for my own self-identity. When I am too comfortable with my life, it impedes me from moving forward because I am absolutely contented with the status quo. I place lesser emphasis on self-improvement than before because I see no need to change the current things at hand. Ironically, I believe that what draws people in and be accepting of me is for when I focus on bettering myself yet I keep catching myself getting complacent many a time.
I would be damned if this were easy and it is an impetus for me to constantly remind myself not to lose sight of my aspirations even when I am happy.