A glimpse of hope

I felt compelled to write something but my mind is blank. I can’t help but reiterate this but after I’ve enlisted I have become someone that I told myself that I would never be.

In the past, I used to enjoy reading literature tremendously and now I don’t even know where my Kindle is. I used to enjoy hitting the gym, with long term goals that I want to achieve, personal records to be beaten and now I could barely drag myself to the gym. I used to sleep minimally so that I would be more productive with my time and now, I try to get as much sleep as possible just so that the days will be shorter because I’ve got nothing to look forward to in my life. I used to think that a life worthwhile living is giving your utmost in everything that life entailed and yet now I give minimal output to my work, push away responsibilities that were delegated to me and deliberately make mistakes just so that I would be seen as an incompetent person. I used to dislike alcohol because it was detrimental to my goals, now I get wasted every weekend solely so that I could get my mind off things, perhaps just for a little while. It’s only two years, they say, but little did they know that the implications are for life.

However, with all that being said, I can still see a glimpse of hope in my life — I could be depressed, I could be down, I could be miserable, I could be dejected, I could be happy, I could be ecstatic, I could be elated; ultimately the onus is mine when it comes to how I feel.

I am solely responsible for my own happiness — not others.

It’s a long journey from hereon, however, I promise I’ll bring myself up to speed again.

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